That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
