So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
even my farts smell like vagina
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
