She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
