I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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