He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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