we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
