I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
