oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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