The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would fuck him just for his dog
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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