I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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