dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
