peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
