How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
