Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
