saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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