Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
