I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
