you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
