I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
