I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
