stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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