I hate your face
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
