I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well you can't waste a boner
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
