she looked like the before picture.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
