I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
