life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
