we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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