i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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