normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
