Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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