I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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