We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
