Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
