News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My vagina is very pro this idea
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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