The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize