Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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