I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
