I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize