He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
