just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this boner is exhausting
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
