It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
