New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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