What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
