people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
