it wasn't lemon gatorade
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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