threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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