sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
