Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
