Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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