did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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