I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
