to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
