why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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