and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
