Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
