I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
