i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
