and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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