im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
