You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
